How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.
Tuesday, 27 November 2012
Taxman Seeks Permission To Break Speed Limit.
HM Revenue and Customs wants to be placed on a list of emergency services allowed to break the speed limit when its a matter of "life and death." We asked HMRC for a comment; "Many other emergency services such as the police, ambulances and the fire brigade have government permission to break the speed limit when the situation demands. We at HMRC are often called upon to act decisively in very dangerous circumstances. Imagine being James Bond but not being allowed to drive around with smoking tyres, screeching brakes and a scantily-clothed blonde in the passenger seat. We often find ourselves locked in a deadly pursuit with such arch-criminals as tax dodging plumbers and private tutors driving high-powered vehicles such as Transit vans and Robin Reliants. Apart from the fact that we need to apprehend such heinous criminals we have found it increasingly difficult to ignore the suspiciously large mansions of the super-rich and MP's at low speeds. In fact its becoming positively embarassing. Only last week we found one of our inspectors, forced to drive his Aston Martin at 30mph, looking thoughtfully at a branch of Starbucks - it was terrifying. Other services are allowed to break the speed limit when lives are at stake - how much more important is it when money is under threat?"