The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Friday, 23 November 2012

It's Official - MP's Can Be Trusted Again.

Sir Ian Kennedy, the leading expert on law and ethics who has chaired the Parliamentary review of MP's pay, has told the "Today" programme that MP's now deserve to be trusted again. According to him the "problem" of MP's expenses has been "sorted out", although he failed to even mention the recent scandals over MP's renting flats from one another. "The problem was that MP's couldn't tell the difference between their own money and that belonging to the taxpayer. I have tackled this head on and changed the law so that MP's no longer have to worry about things like that. There is now no difference between MP's own money and taxpayer's money and they are free to steal whatever they like perfectly legally. As a consequence it is completely unfair to say that MP's can't be trusted. MP's can always be trusted to grab whatever they can, using whatever immoral means available because they are a superior sort of people and deserve every penny they can glum out of the system. Having looked closely at the previous system that forced many MP's to steal in order to maintain their position in society, I have decided to abolish the system and replace it with a freemarket grab-all in which MP's social position is enhanced in direct proportion to how immoral they are willing to be. Essentially I have embraced the principles that it is not illegal to break laws that don't exist and that ethics must first and foremost be entirely elastic."

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