The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Monday, 18 November 2013

Tories Take Yet Another Step Beyond.

The Tories officially detached themselves from reality today and took what can only be considered as a spin around cloud-cuckoo land. First on the blocks for a sprint into Lalaland was Boris Johnson who demanded that people should stop "bashing" the super-rich and then compared them to an oppressed minority like the homeless, Irish travellers and ex-offenders. The super-rich, he claimed, should have our "humble and hearty thanks". Unfortunately he was completely at a loss to explain why we should all be so grateful to people who steal our money, refuse to pay their fair share of taxes and seem to believe that bribing Tory politicians is a form of democracy. After this spirited defence of Tory values, or crimes as the rest of us would understand it, David Skelton writing in the Guardian seriously argued that the Tories are actually the party of the working class. The party should, he suggested, "make it part of their core message that their reforms are explicitly designed to help the poorest." How they could possibly do this while simultaneously persecuting the unemployed, the poor, the disabled and the sick remains unexplained. Better yet, he went on, they "should be seen as the party of housebuilding, tackling the housing crisis head on." Finally, he said without a trace of irony, the Tories should be "helping the low paid and standing up for working people." In other words, he seemed to say, the Tories should become the Labour party. One is tempted to ask what drugs Skelton is on but the truth is that, like most Tories, he is mainlining on delusion.

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