The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Saturday, 16 November 2013

Cameron Voices Horsemeat Concern.

David Cameron voiced his worries today that consumers might follow Princess Anne's advice and start eating horsemeat. "It's very worrying," he told our reporter. "I have almost no money invested in horseflesh and I consider Princess Anne's intervention a gross breach of competition laws. I must also add that the thought of poor horses being sold for meat is quite distressing. If we're not careful some of the hoi polloi might end up with real food and that will never do. My God they'll be eating beef, lamb and pork next. Worse yet the habit might spread to the upper classes and turn them all French! We, the upper classes that is - not the plebs obviously, are British after all and should avoid compromising our stiff upper lips by consuming evil foreign dishes. Much more of this continental nonsense and I'll call for a referendum on our EU membership - probably." We sought the opinion of the Tory party as a whole and was told by a spokesman; "The Tory party does not eat foxes, hunting hounds or horses". We asked Princess Anne is she would like to rebut the Prime Minister's view, but all she said was "Neigh".

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