The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Wednesday, 17 April 2013

The Tories £10 million Party Political Broadcast.

The Tory party showed its respect for Margaret Thatcher today by turning her funeral into a £10 million three ring circus paid for by the taxpayer. Former colleagues who had queued up to stab her in the back in 1990 now queued up to tell us what a wonderful person she was. Chief amongst those was Cecil Parkinson - a man so two-faced that even his wife and mistress couldn't trust him. According to him she was the kindest person he ever knew and one who always "had time for the little people." Far from the "Iron Lady" of popular myth she was in fact a complete softy who cried bitter tears over the problems of her country. She was, to sum up the eulogising about her today, a complete saint whose every waking moment was spent worrying about the welfare of her people. Unfortunately for most of us "her people" seemed to consist almost entirely of distressed millionaires, foreign dictators and those eager to acquire valuable national assets at knock-down prices. "We are all Thatcherites now," David Cameron told us hopefully, relieved, one must assume, that the funeral diverted attention away from the latest rise in the unemployment figures and a warning from the IMF that George Osborne's insane austerity programme was undermining economic recovery. It seems a pity that, while Margaret Thatcher was such a saintly genius, we got her evil and less intelligent twin sister as our Prime Minister and that her successors seem to have listened to the wrong one.

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