The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Wednesday, 19 December 2012

Tory Wants To Make The Unemployed Even More Miserable.

Alec Shelbrooke, the Tory MP for for Elmet and Rothwell, shook his considerable double chin at voters today and demanded that they unemployed should be prevented from buying "unecessary items" such as cigarettes, alcolhol and cable TV. "We have succeeded in making many people thoroughly miserable by throwing them out of work and I feel that our work will not be complete unless we can find a way to make them even more miserable. This, I believe, will help many of the children whose parents we've forced into poverty." Not to be outdone in the "cruel to be kind" stakes the UKIP candidate Geoffrey Clark has called for the enforced abortion of Down Syndrome babies. "If the NHS in the future is rendered unaffordable, what shall be cut?" he asked potential voters in Kent. The News in Shorts favours cutting the number of scrounging politicians and would certainly endorse any plan to abort them in the womb.

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