The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Friday, 21 December 2012

The End Of The World: How Was It For You?

I was waiting for a train when the world ended today and, I must say, I was very disappointed. I suppose it was the only sort of end of the world one could expect during these times of austerity - one without any of the trimmings. The sky didn't turn blood red, there was no ten-mile high tsaunami and Jesus didn't appear in the sky. All a bit of a damp squib if you ask me. Of course here in Britain the Tories will blame Labour and assure us all that they will "cut the deficit and not the apocolypse." Meanwhile thousands of "survivalists" will be sitting around in their rubber dinghys mournfully unloading their hand guns and telling each other that this is the worst apocolypse they've ever seen. The mysterious disappearing Mayans - mysterious for not disappearing and being completely unconcerned about the end of the world - will go back to the routine involved in another and even longer "long count." The expert doomsayers will go back to their calculations and explain that they forgot to carry the "1" and the end of the world will actually be next year, or the year after that or manybe next century. The scientific community will become insuferably smug and do the round of the TV studious telling us all "I told you so." I don't know about you but I'm completely disillusioned and I won't be bothering to turn up for the next end of the world.

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