The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Saturday, 1 December 2012

Cameron Sucks Up To The Press.

In a bad attack of idealism, and despite his previous pledge to impliment the findings of the Leveson Inquiry, David Cameron has today promised that the press will remain free of government regulation. "A free press has been the bukwark of democracy in this country for centuries," he told the victims of hacking, harassment, blackmail and libel. "Controlling the worst excesses of the press would mean Britian crossing the Rubicon and would threaten the creation of a decent country in which politicians, the police and press barons would find it increasingly difficult to be as corrupt as they would like to be. Despite the fact that the legal profession is regulated in exactly the same manner as proposed by the Leveson Inquiry without any question of government interference, the press is an entirely different matter altogether. After all the judiciary can't guarantee a Tory victory at the next election, but someone like Rupert Murdoch just might. All in all I think it only prudent, with a general election just around the corner, to kick this one into the long grass. But, just to prove that I'm not in the pocket of the press barons, I will introduce legislation into Parliament that will be so long-winded, complicated and unwieldly that it won't have a cat in hell's chance of getting through before MP's collapse from sheer exhaustion. That way I can have my cake, and everyone else's for that matter, and eat it too."

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