The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Wednesday, 26 June 2013

British Politicians Agree Mutual Sucide Pact For The Rest Of Us.

George Osborne stood up in Parliament today and cheerfully admitted that, since his economic policy wasn't working, there was no choice but to give us more of it. His original idea, if you can call it that, was that if he flattened the economy and pauperised the entire population except for himself and his rich mates then the economy would bounce back. All that was needed for his plan to work was people to spend money they no longer had and for a non-existant industrial sector to sell things it couldn't make to foreign markets who didn't want them. Mystified as to why this plan hasn't worked he has concluded that we, the ordinary people of this country, just haven't been trying hard enough. There were jeers from the Opposition benches before they made for the exits, sought out the nearest TV studio and then told us that they would do the same if elected. The truth is that this Comprehensive Spending Review - a budget in all but name - was more about politics than it was about the economy. The economy, it turns out, is beyond all help as long as the political elite insist that ordinary people must pay for their mistakes and rich people must not, under any circumstances, pay higher taxes. Terrified that they might miss out on the blue-rinse, suicidally insane, "it's all the fault of the EU, immigrants and scroungers" vote, the LibDems and Labour swallowed what is left of their principles and went along with it. All parties are now committed to making inroads into the grinning idiot vote and are happy to continue living in a political "there is no alternative" desert bereft of any landmarks such as principles or even good ideas. With any idea of a functioning economy safely consigned to history, the politicians can now get down to the serious business of slagging off the people, you and I, whose only function appears to consist of paying their wages and providing them with unlimited expense accounts.

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