The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Friday 10 January 2014

Osborne "Cautious Of Increase In Minimum Wage."

Having given millionaires a tax cut so they can take even more money out of circulation by stuffing it all into their offshore bank accounts, George Osborne has now expressed "caution" with regard to any increase in the minimum wage. "We have to be careful that extra money in ordinary people's pockets doesn't increase demand," he told our reporter. "That could cause a disaster of untrammelled proportion as the economy improves and makes austerity look increasingly stupid and self-defeating. Before we know where we are homelessness could decrease, ordinary people actually be able to heat their hovels and, heaven forbid, even afford enough food to keep themselves healthy. All of this would then mean that we would have no excuse to flog off public services to our rich mates at knock down prices as we did with Royal Mail. The NHS could still, even at this late date, slip through our fingers while all the healthcare companies who have been bribing us might then stop "donating" to the party. What people fail to understand is that the importance of the economy of Britain as a whole pales into insignificance when compared to the economy of the Tory party. Austerity equals an excuse to steal publicly-owned assets which can then be laundered through the private sector into party funds and then into my offshore bank account. Fortunately there are enough stupid people in the country who have swallowed the idea that wages represent a tax on employment and any increase in the minimum wage must inevitably lead to higher unemployment. Of course, by that logic, paying no wages at all would erase unemployment completely, but, thank God, the average Tory voter isn't bright enough to realise this."

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