The Queen's Speech.

A little old lady sat in Parliament today to tell us about austerity with a £1 million hat on her head. Ludicrous and inappropriate at best, it pales into insignificance compared to the twaddle contained in the speech itself. The government has promised to reform the House of Lords, perhaps, maybe. It has promised to tweak employment law so that women can pass their maternity leave to their husbands - useful if you happen to be one of the 15 or so women in the country with a better job than hubby. A new QUANGO (one of six) will be set up to make sure farmers get a better deal from the supermarkets. Oh, and they plan to make it easier for the police to hack into your phone, emails and social networks. Not one word about getting the economy growing again, not one word about rising unemployment or about the double-dip recession. Commentators have said that the speech had no overarching "theme." Yes it did - complacency. After the disastrous local elections David Cameron said "We get it." So what, exactly, did he get? Apparently that the British people have a deepening anxiety about the plight of farmers and are so frightened of terrorists that they want strangers snooping into their private thoughts.

Coalition Tries To Find Arse With Both Hands.

While David Cameron and Nick Clegg celebrated the reaffirmation of their Faustian pact in a facotry that is about to upstakes and move to China, their mates back in London were busy trying to bury the truth about the smash and grab raid on the NHS. Despite demands by the Information Commission that Lansley should publish the transitional risk register on his grubby NHS Reform Bill, the Coalition has used its veto to stop it being seen - putting a purely domestic policy on the same footing as preperations for war. Usually such a veto would only be used under exceptional circumstances and, in this case, the exceptional circumstances seem to be the survival of the government which is blatantly putting its own interests before those of the country. We asked Andrew Lansley, Britian's most successful thief, for his comments; "This is not a step I have taken lightly. I am a firm believer in greater transparency except when it might cost me my job. There needs to be safe space where officials are able to give ministers the lies necessary for them to get away with criminal acts like this one. We can't have a thing like democracy pushing its way into government and allowing the peasants to believe they have a right to know things."

Coalition In Near-Death Experience.

It's always sad when a couple split up and, of course, it's always the children who suffer. But, after the local election results, a split between the Tories and the LibDems became inevitable. Last year, when only the LibDems were savaged by the electorate, it was a different story since the Tories, the senior members of the Coalition, went unpunished. This time around, with the Tories now also feeling the full fury of the electorate, it suddenly matters. So seriously do the Tories take it they have decided, inevitably, that a sharp turn to the right is called for while the consensus in the party is that the LibDems can go take a hike. Realising that, after all, they are to be left at the altar, the LibDem party is readying itself to ditch their partner in the hope that the electorate will forgive them before the next general election. Both parties have completely misjudged the mood of the people who simply refuse to understand why they should have to pay for mistakes by the greedy and stupid and cannot see why kicking the disabled and vulnerable is a good idea. The Tories are like a gang of yobs who, suddenly looking up from beating up a helpless wheelchair-bound victim, see the hostility of the gathering crowd and say "What?" For the LibDems, who have been cheering on the Tory yobs from the safety of the gathering crowd, its a matter of running off before the police arrive.

Is The Euro Terminal?

In Greece the centre-right leader Antonis Samaras has found it impossible to create a coalition government based on austerity and staying within the Euro. In France the new President, Francois Hollande, has signalled that the compact with Germany will have to be renegotiated. Spain is fast approaching crisis as its industrial output slumps by another 7% and, in Italy, skepticism of the EU is growing apace. What does this all mean? It seems to indicate that the idea of a united Europe is fast coming unravelled. Not because it was a bad idea. Originally founded on two sound principles - preventing further European wars and creating a single market to increase wealth - it began to go downhill when the politicians forgot why it was created. They began to see it as a vehicle for their dreams and ambitions, a larger canvas on which they hoped to project an even larger image of themselves. The Euro was never necessary on strict economic criteria. It was only necessary for those politicians who saw the currency as a badge of honour and, as more and more European politicians saw it in those terms and clamoured for their countries to be included, it quickly lost its real purpose and was devalued even before it was launched. Now its continued existence and remaining within it has become a matter of pride for politicians who have been blinded by their own propaganda. Greece should and will probably leave the Euro, followed in quick succession by Spain and probably Italy. And if Hollande cannot get the Germans to change tack then France may well do the same. The Euro was a good idea ruined, like so many things, by the politicians - it will not be missed.

Europe Turns Left.

The French have thrown out Sarkozy, the Greeks have abandoned their traditional political parties and Iceland has prosecuted the bankers and politicians who destroyed their country. Angela Merkel immediately went on the attack deploying the "there's no alternative" argument for all she's worth. Meanwhile in Britain Cameron has licked his wounds after the bruising local elections and promised more of the same using simpler language so the peasants will understand better. Their message is the same - we have to pay our debts caused by the banking crisis to the banks otherwise its the end of the world. No, it will simply be the end of theirs. What is becoming increasingly clear - to anyone who isn't a politician at any rate - is that the financial system they love so much hasn't suffered a mild case of hiccups but a terminal heart-attack. It has been revealed for what it always was, a huge Ponzi scheme - not so much a financial system as a gravy train - and the victims of it have had enough. Time now for the politicians to do what they pride themselves on - catching the popular mood - and bloody-well do something about it instead of wringing their hands and thinking up catchy slogans. We don't want to hear "we're all in this together" or "there's no alternative." What we want to hear is that the people who were responsible for this mess - the bankers - have been detained, that the criminals have been apprehended, locked up and key thrown away. We want regulation, people put before profits and for the rich to realise that their wealth is a privilege not a right and that extraordinary rewards demand extraordinary responsibilities. This reporter agrees that austerity is demanded, but not for the poor - they've always had it, even during the "good" times. What we need now is austerity for the rich. They've revelled in increasing wealth for decades and now its time for them to pay their dues.

Ian Duncan Smith Tries To Eat His Words.

Ian Duncan Smith, who prides himself on drawing far-reaching conclusions without the benefit of evidence, has been forced to retract statements he made about Remploy for fear that will show him up for the ignoramus he is. In comments to the Sunday Express he said; “Is it a kindness to stick people in some factory where they are not doing any work at all? Just making cups of coffee? I promise you this is better. Taking this decision was a balance between how much do I want to spend keeping a number of people in Remploy factories not producing stuff versus getting people into proper jobs.” Four sentences, all quite short, and not one grain of truth in any of them - its a record even for the most evil and stupid Tory in the cabinet. Appalled that even IDS could be so casually nasty Leighton Andrews, the Welsh Government Education Minister, hit back; “I have visited every factory in Wales, since the Tory closure announcement, so unlike Iain Duncan Smith I actually have a clear idea of the good work that goes on in many of these factories. It is not just the callousness of these remarks that are shocking - I would expect little else from this Government - it’s the ignorance behind the remarks that is really troubling." After calls for IDS to be sacked the thick-skinned Minister went on the defensive by pretending he never said it and by issuing a statement; "We believe that the best way to help disabled people into work is not to hide them away in factories but give them every assistance in supporting them into mainstream employment." So there you have it. Working in a factory is only for those who want to "hide away" and does not constitute real work according to this moron who has actually never done a real day's work in his life. Sacked? He should be publicly flogged.

Osborne Decides To "Focus."

After the disastrous showing by the Tories in the local elections George Osborne, Minister in Charge of Wrecking the British Economy, has decided that what is needed is more "focus." What he was doing before the election is not clear but "focus" doesn't seem to have figured large. We asked him what he means exactly; "Well, as everyone knows, Tory policy is flawless and, if it's unpopular, then that must be because we've not communicated it effectively. If we'd explained more clearly to the peasants in words that they can understand that putting up VAT on hot pasties is vital, that the "Granny Tax" is nothing of the sort but is, in fact, simply a surcharge on people over 65 and that giving rich people tax cuts actually means they'll pay more not less tax, then everything would have been allright. People, I mean common uneducated people, must realise that the only way to save the British economy is to kill it completely. If they were all geniuses like me, they would realise that unemployment, higher national debt and less services are all good things and a clear indication that my economic plan is actually working. I think that what is called for now is a good bout of gay bashing, putting the boot into cripples and undermining democracy. Good old-fashioned Tory fairness in other words."

The "There's No Alternative" Argument.

Politicians, especially those unable to defend their patently harmful and ridiculous policies, are very fond of the "There's no alternative" argument. But, all too often and to paraphrase Ben Johnson, it is the last refuge of the scoundrel. It is a particular favourite of both David Cameron and Nick Clegg, Sarkozy, battling to retain the French Presidency, mutters it like a mantra as does Angela Merkel, though she's usually referring to other nations having to bear the pain to save Germany. Yesterday provided a particularly fine example of the argument from Evangelos Venizelos (pictured above), leader of Greece's Pasok party, when he warned his countrymen that voting against austerity would lead to "mass poverty." He urged Greeks to keep "on a course that is difficult but safe." Safe for whom? In case Mr Venizelos has failed to notice, and the size of his jowells suggests he might, the Greek people are already suffering from "mass poverty" with worse to come. There are dark warnings being muttered all across Europe about the "far-right" and a new Nazism sweeping the continent. Yet the very politicians who like to frighten us in our beds are, at the same time, able to wash their hands of all responsibility by suggesting that such an outcome would be our fault for not listening to their "no alternative" rubbish. If the far-right does make gains in Europe it will be beacuse our political elites failed to protect us against the greed and stupidity of the bankers and because they have neither the imagination or the courage to recognise that failure and do something about it. Where leaders have taken their courage in both hands and told us that, despite the years of political elites mainlining on neoliberal economics, we actually do have a choice, things are actually improving. The most obvious example can be seen in Barak Obama's America which has the advantage of simply being too big to be ignored by the media, especially the BBC. A better example, but one that has been successfully ignored, can be seen in Iceland where bankers and members of the political elite have been put on trial, a new constitution has been hammered out by the electorate themselves and two fingers have been very firmly shown to the banks and international finance. It seems European politicians don't like complicated ideas prefering, instead, to offer electorates a straight choice bewteen the same old failed policies or armageddon. But there is an alternative and it is no that difficult to do. It also has the added advantage that bankers and international financiers really, really don't like it. That alone should recommend it as a course of action.

LibDem's Beaten By Penguin - Tories By A Polar Bear.

In a not too shocking local election result in Edinburgh Professor Pongoo, leader of the Independent Penguin Tendency, has beaten a LibDem candidate while, in Liverpool, a Tory candidate has been beaten by a Polar Bear. However, talks between the Penguin and the Polar Bear about the possibility of forming a new coalition party quickly failed when it became glaringly obvious that, in policy terms, they were poles apart. We asked Nick Clegg for his reaction to the news; "It could have been worse, we could have been beaten by a Tory. Still I remain optimistic now it has emerged that a coalition between the Penguin and Polar Bear seems a remote possibility. We have to learn from this experience and I for one am determined that fielding cute furry animals as candidates might be a vote winner. A Panda has been suggested to me on the grounds that they're nearly extinct too. I know that David Cameron has taken the opposite view of all this and plans to field a dinosaur since such an animal fits in better with their party image. Let's hope to God that Labour doesn't field a Pitbull."

Philip Hammond Blames The Victims Yet Again.

In an outrageous example of disingenuous Tory twaddle Philip Hammond, the Defence Secretary, has claimed that those who borrowed money from the banks must shoulder their fair share of the blame for the financial meltdown. Ignoring the fact that the banks have actually been allowed to get away with their criminal behaviour scot-free by this bunch of posh boys and, indeed, have continued to steal money on a multi-national scale, what exactly does he mean? Well, most of the bad debt was associated with property - sub-prime mortgages that were offered to desperate people so they could at least purchase a roof over their heads. The point is, why were they so desperate? Because the banks, believing they were on to a good thing, deliberately forced up property values in order to increase the size of loans and the profits that could be made from this eagerly helped by estate agents and governments who loved the tax returns on all this. As prices skyrocketed ordinary people saw their dream of being home ownners evaporating before their eyes and grew increasingly desperate to get on the property ladder before it was too late. Seduced by mortgages that were easy to get, they clutched at the straw that was offered to them, calculating that if the world economy continued to grow then so would their wages and that the mortgage would become increasingly easy to service. The banks knew this wasn't true but had come up with a wizard wheeze that meant that they at least could avoid the consequencies. They bundled good and bad mortgages together and sold them on, buying other bundles from other banks that they figured weren't as smart as they were. Unfortunately, when the whole rotten dance ground to a halt and the banks examined what they had bought from each other, they discovered that they had all been engaged in the same confidence trick and had happily been shafting each other all along. Nice try Mr.Hammond, but the old Tory trick of blaming the victim won't wash here and is nothing more than sheer hypocrisy.