The Only People Greedier Than A Tory MP.

As predicted by the News In Shorts MP's are wringing their hands in anguish at being forced to accept a hefty pay rise of 11%. While the queues outside the food banks are growing daily, the poor are taxed for having the cheek to have too many bedrooms and the disabled are told they must work or die, MP's are once again helping themselves to the public purse. This has been achieved by grasping MP's through the simple expedient of appointing an "independent" body who's narrow brief was based entirely on "need". We all need a pay increase but only MP's have found something better than a Trade Union to get it for them. To be fair they have also agreed to a curb on their expense accounts and, as we all know, they are well known for their restraint and sense of honour so that should be all right then. Meanwhile the wives of Tory MP's have apparently waded into the fray and demanded that their husbands accept the pay rise or else. It would seem that many of these so-called ladies simply can't afford enough shoes and handbags and feel that starving the poor is only right when faced by such personal hardship. A delighted Tory MP, glad for any alibi no matter how thin, told the Telegraph that "you don’t want to get on the wrong side of the wives. These are formidable ladies.” I'll bet they are, but they seem to be strangely mute when it comes to the welfare and well being of families other than their own.

MP's: "Give Us A Pay Rise Or We'll Steal The Money Anyway".

The Independent Parliamentary Standards Authority (IPSA) has warned that if MP's are not allowed an inflation-busting 10% pay rise then they will have no choice but to steal the money instead. "It's a tragedy just waiting to happen," an IPSA spokesconman told our reporter. "Times are tough what with the economy being forced into a completely unwarranted recession by one group of MP's while the rest sit on their hands and do absolutely nothing about the situation. Under these circumstances MP's have no choice but to drown their sorrows in the public purse, or the trough as we like to call it. The only alternative is to pad out expense accounts like they have in the past. You can see the problem can't you? MP's must either steal money one way or be forced into stealing it in another. Important people like MP's shouldn't be forced into criminality simply because the public refuse to indulge their greed which, as everyone knows, is good. The worst thing for Parliament at the moment would be yet another scandal. MP's are delicate flowers who get very upset when they get caught doing something criminal and its our public duty to protect them from that kind of stress. Money has always proven to be an effective cure all for politicians and its important that lots of public money should always be available to attract the right kind of self-serving spivs and conmen into Parliament."

Why MP's Are Worth More Than The Rest Of Us.

The TV studios have been packed with MP's today explaining patiently to us thickos why they can't do anything to stop themselves getting a 10% pay rise. As Keith Vaz said with a smirk "This has nothing to do with us. Our pay is in the hands of the Independent Parliamentary Standards Authority (IPSA)." David Cameron immediately announced that he wouldn't allow any pay rise before being reminded that he had no power to stop it. "Oh dear," he then said, "how unfortunate." So what's going on? IPSA, following its brief, has looked at MP's pay and, against a background of rising prices, has concluded that MP's need a 10% pay rise simply to maintain their standard of living. Within the narrow limits of their brief set by MP's this happens to be true. What these smug, self-serving bunch of crooks are not saying, however, is that what is true for them is also true for the rest of us. What would any of us give for an "independent" body that awards us pay increases based solely on need? How much more than 1% would a nurse get, for instance, if NHS pay was decided by a similar body. Yet again MP's are wringing their self-righteous hands and telling us "Nothing to do with me, mate" while trousering yet more of our money.

How Much Is An MP Worth?

Its tough being an MP nowadays. Gone are the days when their expense allowances were a licence to print money, while lobbyists are finding ever more difficult to press money into their sweaty little hands without being found out. Its so bad that many find it necessary to take other jobs, sometimes several other jobs, just to make ends meet. Meanwhile the job has become a lot more difficult with "hard decisions and choices" multiplying. You have to pity them as they rob the poor to support their rich mates and are forced to cry crocodile tears in the full glare of the media. Many are so upset by all this thay they believe the only way to relieve the pressure is to give themselves a 32% pay rise. As Andrew Bridgen, Tory MP for North West Leicestershire, declared today in Parliament; "A vast majority of people do not think £65,000 a year salary is a lot of money." Excuse me? Who has he been asking? Those on benefits with any increase of their miserable allowance capped at 1%? Those many millions who labour day-in-day-out on the minimum wage and are now facing cuts to their working tax credits? The terminally ill who have been declared "fit for work" and had their benefits stopped altogether? I doubt it. No, Mr Bridgen has been talking to his fatcat mates, the bankers and corporate executives who earn fortunes for doing practically nothing and get juicy bonuses for being incompetent failures. How much is an MP worth? Whatever he can get apparently.