Chris Grayling, the most supid man in the Tory party, has resigned his seat on the intelligence committee after his failed attempt to become it's chairman in what was supposed to be a rigged election. "I'm not used to failure," Mr.Grayling told our reporter. "After my resounding triumphs in collapsing the Northern and Thameslink rail services, granting of a no-deal Brexit ferry contract to a company with no ships and privatising the probabtion service so that it could no longer function I expected more support from my Tory colleagues - especially since Boris promised me my election was guaranteed." When asked if this wasn't somewhat undemocractic Mr. Grayling replied. "Too bloody right it was. What's the point of an election if it can't be rigged? If a democracy can't compete with even a banana republic in the bribery and corruption stakes what's the point of politics? I was all set to censor any mention of Russian inteference in the Brexit referendum and then this happens. Vladimir was absolutely incandescent and has threatened to put a stop to any further contributions to the Tory party if we don't get our act together." Asked whether this wasn't sort of treasonous the former transport minister and justice secretary replied; "What are you talking about man? If it's good for the Tory party then it's good for the country - everyone knows that otherwise we wouldn't have an overwhelming majority of 43% of the electorate behind us." Asked if this, again, wasn't rather undemocractic, Mr.Grayling looked aghast. "Look you silly man, it is absolutely necessary that the right people are in power otherwise any fool could be Prime Minister rather than a Tory fool which would be disastrous in terms of Britain's main concern - offshore banking and tax avoidance. You'll be telling me next that our esteemed leader, Dominic Cummings, should stand for election. I mean how would we rig an election like that?"
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