The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Thursday 10 September 2020

Operation Moonshine

Boris "Sicknote" Johnson has made yet another huge policy decision and inaugurated what he has dubbed "Operation Moonshot" - a £100 billion programme to test everyone in the UK for coronavirus. Having visited the magic money orchard and inspected the tree for his Irish Sea Bridge, the tree for HS2, the tree for MP's latest pay raise and the tree for his next tax cut for his rich mates, he has decided that there is enough small change left over to fund yet another scheme. Apart from the question that, having tested everyone in the country, how do you prevent them from catching it a week later there is the vexed question of how this can be achieved when we can't even test all those with symptoms yet. To be fair the name given to this "opearation" is a little better than the one he coined for obtaining enough ventilators - "Operation Last Gasp" (remember that inspired piece of comedy?). Nor should it be forgotten that this a brilliant way to funnel a huge amount of public money into private hands in line with the policy of industrial-scale asset stripping of the country. Then there is the minor point that the technology needed for such a programme, testing nearly 70 million people every week, simply doesn't exist. This isn't "Operation Moonshot" it's "Operation Moonshine".

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