The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Wednesday, 29 June 2016

Disappointed Brexit Voters.

Nearly a week after the triumphant Brexit campaign many Leave voters have been voicing their disappointment. "I just understand why it's not 1959 again," one voter told our reporter. "Why have all these black, brown and eastern European people not left already?" Another asked, "Where is Margaret Thatcher or, better still, Winston Churchill? Once they return from the grave we'll show these Johnny Foreigners what's for. Have they been deliberately hidden away from us by Parliamentary Remain campaigners? Without them how will we ever mount another D-Day invasion of the Continent to save the miserable people of Europe from themselves?" Meanwhile desperate Remain voters have been tossing bottles into the Channel (now definitely the English Channel once more) begging for help. The messages seem to be more or less the same; "Help! I am trapped on a cold rainy and windswept island in the North Atlantic where 52% of the population are clinically insane and government is non-existent." Still, the latest round of news should cheer them up as George Osborne, the only Tory politician still working it seems, plans to raise taxes (for working people, not the hard-pressed rich) and announces that the NHS is no longer affordable and spending on it must be cut as soon as possible. In further good news for Leave voters the EU has just announced that British banks will no longer be able to trade in Europe along with all other service industries in what was once the UK. As Nigel Farage said only a couple of days ago, "You're not laughing now are you?"

No comments:

Post a Comment