Civil Service Thwart The Tories.

Having outlined Tory plans to privatise the entire country Francis Maude is now throwing his toys out of the pram because the Civil Service are refusing to go along with it. To any normal human being this would be entirely understandable since it is completely unreasonable to expect people to cooperate in their own destruction. It is even more unreasonable to expect their cooperation when the government is threatening to put 10% of the entire Civil Service on permanent probabtion. It must also be said that the Civil Service is perhaps a little more patriotic than the Tory party who, lets face it, would sell their own granny for a quid. For Maude, however, such defiance is "completely unacceptable." "We can't have the Civil Service protecting the country against us as we crush ordinary people under the wheels of our greed and ambition," he told our reporter. "It remains true, I admit, that we have to retain the ability to blame the Civil Service when our badly thought out and utterly insane policies are revealed as unworkable, but, like all the other plebs in this country, we have a God-given right to expect the Civil Service to do as they're f**king told. I've heard mutterings about this government being arraigned before the European Court of Human Rights but their fears are entirely groundless. The Tory party lawyers have assured me that we have an airtight argument in the Nuremburg defence - I was only following orders. The Civil Service can plead that they were only following our orders and we can plead that God told us to do it."

Francis Maud Charts The Future For The Plebs.

Francis Maud has told the right-wing think tank Policy Exchange about Tory plans for the future of Britain in a scene reminiscent of "The Hitch Hikers Guide To The Galaxy." His vision, like Deep Thought's answer "42" is largely incomprehensible, and Mr.Maude knows that the vast majority of British people are "not going to like it." Essentially he said that the Tories were going to wipe out all state services through a process of privatisation that will place billions of pounds worth of assets into the hands of private equity companies being run from tax havens abroad. The police, roads, schools, hospitals - in short everything - will be handed over to the greedy and stupid so they can rob the British public, provide minimum services, pay their employees the minimum wage and then walk away with the profits without having to pay tax. In other words, he sees Britain as a conquered territory to be exploited by him and his band of greedy barbarians who are determined to sweep all before them. The British people will then be "free" he assures us in a re-run of the famous Nazi phrase "Arbeit Mach Frei" (Work Sets You Free). But "free" to do what exactly? This is the nature of the Tory wet dream - a nightmare for the rest of us, the "plebs" whose only function is to provide the wealth for people like Francis Maude. It is a truly terrifying picture and threatens a dystopia that even Orwell could hardly imagine.

Francis Maude Looking To Pauperise More Plebs.

Francis Maude, having successfully negotiated a pension rise for MP's and cabinet ministers, is now embarking on his next project - destroying the national pay rates for Civil Servants and replacing it with "local pay rates." This simply means that Civil Servants working in London and the South East will be paid much higher wages than those who work in those other areas of the country that don't count - i.e Wales and the North. The reason for this is quite simple, threadbare arguments about saving money apart - it is about entrenching the North-South divide and making sure that those areas who tend to vote Labour are suitably punished. A similar project is in the pipeline for health workers. This, Maude hopes, will destroy unity in these two organisations and open the way for privatisation by introducing an "affordable" pay scale for his rich mates when they take over. Of course most of this will fall on lower grade Civil Servants since the over-paid mandarins tend to live in London. Once more there is direct evidence that the Tory mantra, "We're all in this together," actually means pauperising ordinary wage earners to protect the rich and elevating inequality to the level of policy. Nor is austerity primarily aimed at reducing the deficit as the recent budget so graphically illustrated. It's primary aim is to reduce the tax burden of the rich funded by increasing poverty and severely curtailed services for ordinary people. Realising that the neoliberal economic theis has failed spectacularly, they are determined to handcuff us to its corpse in order to protect their money and privileges.

Francis Maude Feather's His Own Nest.

While the likes of William Hague, Simon Hunt and Eric Pickles have been telling everyone today that they will have to work harder and longer their mate Francis Maude has been busy making sure that MP's and Cabinet Minister's pensions are even more gold plated than they were before. The changes to their pensions that came into force yesterday meant that they would have to pay an extra 2.4% in contributions, but the rewards they get will soar. For an extra £229 per year while they are in cabinet (which in the case of this lot means 3 years) they will receive a whopping £314 per year for up to twenty years. In other words for an extra contibution of £687 they stand to get back as much as £6,280. By any standards a good deal. All in all that means that today’s cabinet ministers can look forward to a £731,000 retirement pot - worth a potential £43,000-plus a year - for five years "work"! Many people regard such things as proof of hypocrisy. In fact its much worse then that - it is proof of sheer criminality.