The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Monday, 24 August 2015

Iain Duncan Smith: "Work Is As Good As Health Treatment."

Iain Duncan Smith, Britain's nastiest politician, has defended his vicious attack on the sick and disabled by explaining that working is as effective as health treatment. "Look at me." he told our reporter, "I'm as mad as a bag of snakes, suffer from delusions of grandeur and am a well-known sociopath, but work has been marvelous for me. Without my job at the DWP I would never have been able to do all the nasty vicious things to the poor and vulnerable that I've always wanted to do. Before I was given the position of Fuhrer at the DWP I was deeply depressed by my total incompetence as a politician and by my total failure as a human being. Now I'm full of beans because my psychopathic tendencies have been given free rein. I'm a new man, worse and more sadistic than ever before it's true, but a new man nonetheless." We asked IDS's former psychoanalyst for his reaction; "Iain is quite right - he is as mad as a bag of snakes. To be honest he's completely beyond help and should be locked up as soon as possible before he destroys the lives of many more people. What really bothers me, to be honest, is what kind of an electorate would give any political party with this nutter in its ranks a majority. At least 37% of the electorate in this country are in urgent need of psycho-analysis."

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