Selfish And Greedy Line Up To Knock Labour.

As the general election campaign gets under way the selfish and greedy are busy queuing up to tell us all why voting in a Labour government would be a disaster. Orchestrated by Lynton Crosby so-called "celebrities" such as Gary Barlow are bleating about the possibility of a mansion tax while the likes of Stefano Pessina, the acting head of Boots, and Digby Jones drone on that Labour will be "bad for business" because, as we all should know, business is the be-all and end-all of everything. When it was pointed out that Stefano Pessina is nothing more than a greedy, selfish tax dodger, Boris Johnson leapt to his defence by pretending that it is Pessina's sacred duty to dodge UK taxes in order to make his likewise greedy and selfish shareholders happy. Boris did at least have enough political common sense to add that it was "disappointing" that neither Boots nor Pessina pay tax, but rather spoiled this by adding that "to have a strong, healthy society, you have got to support the businesses that create the tax revenue and employ people and put bread on the table for people, otherwise you can't begin to pay for the poorest and neediest, for the welfare state and hospitals and everything else." So how does that work when they refuse to pay taxes then? Essentially the Tory message couldn't be more clear - greed and selfishness is here to stay and it is our duty to sacrifice our standard of living in order to support the film star lifestyle of the undeserving rich. Of course the Tory party is entirely funded by these greedy tax dodgers who see their "contributions" to the party as a cost-effective investment to guarantee the continuation of fat juicy tax loopholes. This is sold to hard-of-understanding Tory voters through the medium of press propaganda which paints all the unemployed, elderly, sick and disabled as "feckless scroungers". The truth is that it is the Tory party and their fellow-travellers who are the real scroungers, eager to take everything they can get their sticky fingers on and avoid any real contribution to our society.

Tories Choose "Alpha Male" As Campaign Manager.

The man pictured above is an Australian named Lynton Crosby and he is, according to Tim Montgomerie the editor of political website ConservativeHome, a Tory party posterboy, the "alpha male that Team Cameron has been missing." The reason for this fulsome praise is that Mr.Crosby was Boris Johnson's campaign manager during the mayoral election in London. Renowned for inserting "subliminal messages" into his campaign strategy over things such as law and order and immigration, it is fascinating to speculate on what his advice to David Cameron might be; "Rule Number One: Change hairstyle and colour in order to more closely resemble a Morlock. Rule Number Two: Mumble incoherently and engagingly when any serious subject is broached. Rule Number Three: All Tory candidates must train to dangle comically when stranded on a zip wire. Rule Number Four: All speeches should be irrelevant rambling diatribes with no discernable facts that can be used against the party by the opposition. Rule Number Five: Back stabbing should only be understaken in the dark and denied immediately if anyone else notices. Rule Number Six: All lies should be delivered with a wry and sheepish grin." However the choice of Mr Crosby has not been greeted with universal praise in the Tory party. Lord Ashcroft has warned that his appointment could be "a recipe for... conflict and confusion." Confusion, of course, is something that Lord Ashcroft knows quite a lot about since he persists in describing himself as an "historian" on the basis of a Higher National Diploma in Business studies from the Mid-Essex Technical College and seems to have no idea what taxes actually are.