The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Wednesday, 6 April 2016

Top Tory Defends Criminal Organizations.

Dominic Grieve, the former attorney general, has admitted that the UK government could stop British overseas territories acting as tax havens if they wanted to. However, he added that it would be wrong to do so because it would mean job loses in those tax havens! "Ordinary workers losing their perfectly legitimate jobs in the steel industry is fine," a leading Tory spokesman told our reporter, "but bankers in the British Virgin Islands is a completely different thing. What would happen if Britain put a stop to all criminal activity in its overseas dependencies? It would be chaos. Billionaires around the world, poor souls, would be reduced to tears as they could no longer avoid tax, while criminal organizations would have to find some other way to launder their ill-gotten gains. Wealthy people don't pay tax, what about that does no one understand? They will always find loopholes in the tax system, so its only fair, right and proper that we should provide those loopholes for them legally. If not they would be forced to break the law making them into real criminals and we can't have that can we?"

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