NHS Privatised While No One Was Looking.

The Tories have sneaked through a measure that allows 49% of NHS beds to be used by the private sector during the parliamentary Christmas break. It is clear that Andrew Lansley is determined to hand over the NHS to private healthcare companies who are slavering over the prospect. These healthcare companies will be allowed to use staff, buildings and equipment paid for by the taxpayer without having to invest a single penny and will be allowed to charge outrageous fees to people who will no longer have access to medicine because the public beds will no longer be there. A glimpse of the future can be seen in the picture above. The photograph was taken in Los Angeles in California, the richest state in the richest country in the world, and shows the poor queuing for free medical care in a charity clinic set up in a warehouse and manned by volunteer doctors and nurses. Is this what you want? We asked Andrew Lansley why he has effectively privatised the NHS; "Its the only way if I am to pay lower taxes. I don't care who dies or how much older people suffer as long as I can save a quid and the Tory party agrees with me. The timetable is determined by the fact that a general election might occur at any time and we have to get this done before voters wake up and stop us." We asked the BBC for a comment but they aren't reporting the story and couldn't care less.

Labour Will Repeal NHS Legislation.

Andrew Lansley, above, has accused the Labour party of trying to turn the clock back to 1948 over their plan to repeal his NHS legislation. "That's the trouble with the Labour party," he told our reporter. "They lack any real ambition. The all new Tory party, on the other hand, is trying to turn the clock back to 1848 - a time when the peasants knew their place and lived in the poverty they deserve. Its nothing more than a publicity stunt by Andy Burnham to put off all the bloodsuckers we intend to flog the NHS to and make them wonder how much they can milk it for before its taken out of their talons. Well it won't work. I have complete faith in the utter stupidity of the average uneducated voter and look forward to enjoying our majority in the Commons for next 100 years now we've bought the LibDem party for next to nothing."

NHS "One Of The Best Health Care Systems In The World."

A new study published today demonstrates quite clearly that the NHS is one of the best health care systems in the world ahead of such countries as France, Germany, Switzerland, Sweden, Norway, the Netherlands, the US, Canada, Australia and New Zealand. It is also one of the cheapest per patient treated at just £2,170 as compared to Switzerland at £3,200 and the privatised system in the US at £4,950. We asked Andrew Lansley as to why then he thinks that the NHS needs "reform." "But that's the point isn't it?" he told our reporter. "Look at the profits that could be made by the private sector if they were able to charge £4,950 per patient. With my connections I could make a fortune. The NHS represents the biggest untapped asset in the country and we are determined to flog it so me and my mates can pocket the money. Surely you can see the benefits of that - for me and my mates at any rate? We have to cash in as fast as possible before the electorate rumble what we're up to and stop us. Fortunately we have the BBC to help the cause by running stories that suggest the NHS is inefficient and so on. You wait until we get our hands on it - we'll show you how inefficient it can get when shareholders and corporate directors are milking it for all they can get."