Nigel Farage has made a comeback with his new Brexit party having decided that UKIP is too right-wing. Britain's very own Judas Goat is up in arms (and in the money once again) because he feels the need to "change politics" and save us all from those who would stop Brexit. "I said that if I did come back into the political fray it would be no more Mr Nice Guy and I mean it," he told us, though his definition of what makes for a "Nice Guy" seems somewhat problematic. He then trundled out his latest acolyte, Annunziata Rees-Mogg, sister to Jacob Rees-Mogg Member of Parliament for the 18th century. ""We've got to rescue our democracy from those who want a second referendum" she told her audience. "We have got to show that the people of this country have a say in how we are run without actually asking them." Earlier in the day Farage said on the BBC Radio 4's Today programme that ""In terms of policy, there's no difference to UKIP except for the obvious racism which we in the Brexit party are determined to keep under wraps". He then promised that the new Brexit party would be "deeply intolerant of all intolerance" except for that directed at foreigners, those who disagree with them and anyone trying to close down the offshore banking scam. "The Brexit party will represent a cross section of society", he added, "especially Daily Mail readers, moronic bigots and my American mates who want to asset strip the NHS" After the conference, as the delegates tucked into their chlorinated chicken lunch, Farage granted "The News In Shorts" an exclusive interview. "You just can't trust established right-wing politicians", he sighed. "They will insist on letting the cat out of the bag. Some things have to be kept from the British public for their own good." "Such as?," our reporter asked. "Well you know, things like protecting offshore banking from the nasty evil people who want rich people like me to pay their fair share of taxes, those who want health care free at the point of need and the truth about our abject efforts to get trade deals from foreigners who know we're desperate. That sort of thing". "But surely you want to represent a cross section of society and I thought you didn't like foreigners," our reporter suggested. "When I say a cross section of our society I mean, of course, those better sort of people who don't want to pay tax. And, of course, there's foreigners and then there's foreigners. I like those wiling to grease my palm. It's the other sort I don't approve of - those who want to protect employment rights and the like. Basically the EU. Would you like some of this lovely chlorinated chicken?".
Saturday 13 April 2019
Farage is Back!
Nigel Farage has made a comeback with his new Brexit party having decided that UKIP is too right-wing. Britain's very own Judas Goat is up in arms (and in the money once again) because he feels the need to "change politics" and save us all from those who would stop Brexit. "I said that if I did come back into the political fray it would be no more Mr Nice Guy and I mean it," he told us, though his definition of what makes for a "Nice Guy" seems somewhat problematic. He then trundled out his latest acolyte, Annunziata Rees-Mogg, sister to Jacob Rees-Mogg Member of Parliament for the 18th century. ""We've got to rescue our democracy from those who want a second referendum" she told her audience. "We have got to show that the people of this country have a say in how we are run without actually asking them." Earlier in the day Farage said on the BBC Radio 4's Today programme that ""In terms of policy, there's no difference to UKIP except for the obvious racism which we in the Brexit party are determined to keep under wraps". He then promised that the new Brexit party would be "deeply intolerant of all intolerance" except for that directed at foreigners, those who disagree with them and anyone trying to close down the offshore banking scam. "The Brexit party will represent a cross section of society", he added, "especially Daily Mail readers, moronic bigots and my American mates who want to asset strip the NHS" After the conference, as the delegates tucked into their chlorinated chicken lunch, Farage granted "The News In Shorts" an exclusive interview. "You just can't trust established right-wing politicians", he sighed. "They will insist on letting the cat out of the bag. Some things have to be kept from the British public for their own good." "Such as?," our reporter asked. "Well you know, things like protecting offshore banking from the nasty evil people who want rich people like me to pay their fair share of taxes, those who want health care free at the point of need and the truth about our abject efforts to get trade deals from foreigners who know we're desperate. That sort of thing". "But surely you want to represent a cross section of society and I thought you didn't like foreigners," our reporter suggested. "When I say a cross section of our society I mean, of course, those better sort of people who don't want to pay tax. And, of course, there's foreigners and then there's foreigners. I like those wiling to grease my palm. It's the other sort I don't approve of - those who want to protect employment rights and the like. Basically the EU. Would you like some of this lovely chlorinated chicken?".
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