The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Thursday, 22 October 2015

Why The National Debt Is £1.5 Trillion And Climbing.

So why is the British national debt £1.5 trillion, the highest its ever been, and why is it continuing to grow? Well to begin with a bunch of criminal bankers crashed the world economy and then had to be bailed out by the rest of us to prevent them losing their jobs and ending up in prison. Then we had to pay their bonuses so they could continue to enjoy their film star life styles and the banking industry could continue to attract the best criminals available. Of course to help finance all this charity work the Tories (with a helping hand from the Lib Dems) decided that the "scrounging" poor (especially low-paid, hard-working "scroungers" who get tax credits) had to contribute their fair share, so benefits have been slashed and public services starved of funds. These savings were actually only a drop in the ocean of debts that the bankers handed us but every little helps right? To prove that "we are all in this together" the Tories then gave themselves a nice big tax cut and let their rich corporate mates (especially the bankers) exploit various tax loopholes that have proven impossible to close (especially if you're not really trying). Now these benefits for the rich, unlike the benefits taken from the poor, are not a drop in the ocean. In fact they are many, many, many times bigger than the benefits squandered, according to the Tories, on "scroungers". Following so far? The problem for the Tories now is how to divide one national debt by those who don't have the money to pay it back and still end up with a small elite that are even richer than before? The answer, in case you haven't been taking enough notice, is to sell the entire country to the Chinese. And to make absolutely sure that someone like Jeremy Corbyn doesn't come along and muck all this up, the Tories are going to outlaw Keynsian economics, making it impossible for any future British government to invest in our own country and put up taxes for rich people in order to finance such an investment. According to the Tories borrowing money from our friends to finance social and economic improvements for the majority is bad, but borrowing money from our enemies to finance tax cuts for the rich is good. Now do you get it? No? Well, you just keep voting Tory because you will get it in the end - probably right in the neck.

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