The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Sunday, 5 July 2015

Tories Keep Their Promise To Reduce Inequality.

George Osborne has been outlining his plans to reduce inequality in the country. "The first thing we are going to do," he told our reporter, "is to abolish inheritance tax on houses up to £1 million for those people unfortunate enough to own a mansion. Many of these poor souls are huddled in tiny seven bedroomed houses surrounded by depressing open fields and with only a single drawing room, wine cellar and library between a whole family. Now, of course, this has to be paid for so I've decided to take it from selfish sick people who simply refuse to get better and the unemployed who enjoy a film star lifestyle on benefits. Just in case some of those who happen to own a £1 million mansion by accident in London and are, through no fault of their own, unemployed, I am going to reduce the amount of benefits that northern scroungers can claim outside of London. As you can see I am not afraid to make tough decisions, especially if they are tough on some one else and I am absolutely convinced that these policies will be very popular with those 37% of voters selfish and greedy enough to give us our overwhelming majority. Isn't democracy a wonderful thing!" Convinced by this erudite and convincing argument we asked a working class Tory voter for his opinion. "Oooh, he's just like the Blessed Margaret Thatcher. What wouldn't I give for him to spit in my face. Wonderful people the Tories."

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