The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Monday, 16 February 2015

Are The Fatcats Getting Desperate?

As the General Election in the UK looms ever closer there are signs that the selfish, greedy and anti-social are beginning to panic. We've already had the usual suspects being wheeled out by the Tory party to warn the electorate that voting Labour will "threaten the recovery" and that bankers, those heroes of the economic battlefield, will leave in droves if they are regulated to stop their crime spree. Meanwhile HSBC has apologised for being found out, yet again, breaking the law and has promised that it won't do it again - honest. The BBC, with their accustomed impartiality, have tried to tar Ed Balls with the "out of touch" label over cash payments to small businesses while asking various Tory ministers if they'd like to explain why they are so wonderful and so in touch with ordinary people. Andrew Marr sat with undisguised admiration while Iain Duncan Smith explained why persecuting the unemployed, sick and disabled is the Christian thing to do and how his multi-billion pound single benefit scheme has come in under the budget he snatched out of thin air five minutes before. Asked why wealthy tax dodgers are treated with kid gloves while ordinary people who simply get their complicated tax form wrong are criminally prosecuted, Iain Duncan Smith explained patiently that rich people pay more tax if you're nice to them while ordinary people deserve harsh treatment because they're peasants. That would explain why the Tories have ignored the evidence presented to them over the last five years outlining HSBC criminal activity while simultaneously blaming Labour for not doing something before the evidence of the crime became known. Little of this has washed with the electorate who now know beyond doubt that the Tory party is an organised crime syndicate, so Cameron & Co have called in the big guns in the form of Merrill Lynch, one of the USA's most successful bunch of crooked bankers, to warn us that we will all turn French if Labour wins the election. A Labour government, they warn us, would create "an economy structured like France, which has strict laws on working hours, minimum wages and contracts." Quelle disaster! "How will criminal bankers and greedy business executives finance their film-star life styles if ordinary people get decent wages and are given rights?" a spokesperson from Merrill Lynch told our reporter. "If they are forced to pay their fair share of taxes as well it will be disastrous for the British economy. You have to understand the difference between an honest profit, which is very difficult to achieve, and the much easier money to be made through the kind of exploitation and extortion that we prefer. Profit involves hard work, something we are complete strangers to, and risk, which we are completely averse to. It will much better for all concerned - well us at any rate - if we keep the present system of crime licensed by an understanding Tory party."

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