Tory "Cunning Plan" Goes Wrong.

There were signs of panic in the Tory party today as their strategy - "Let's All Pretend It's The 1980's" - begins to unravel. The day began with an unexpected betrayal by the OECD which announced that a double-dip recession is now a certainty, followed by a poll that shows 61% of voters sympathise with public sector strikers and another that shows that only 28% of voters believe the government is doing a good job. George Osborne struck back with a belated attempt to persuade people he's finally found out what his job actually is while Michael Gove labelled middle-class strikers as 1980's style "militants." By midday it was clear that it was all going tits up and the Tories were forced to fall back on warning that Johnnie Foreigner in Europe might riot next year which was met with a resounding "so what?" We asked Margaret Thatcher, pictured above in one of her more lucid moments, where it had all gone wrong; "David should have asked the Argentinians to invade the Isle of Wight - that would have made all the difference and, given the state of Britain's defences, about the only island we could liberate with even a remote chance of success. I suggested that a battle between police and miners would play well, but the Polish refused to cooperate. I was as surprised as anyone to find that the country had actually moved on since the 1980's."