Head Of Uk Border Force Suspended.

Brodie Clarke, pictured above, has been suspended from the UK Border Force after it was revealed that he is completely incompetent. We asked a spokesperson from the Home Office for a comment; "Poor old Brodie's been caught with his trousers down again. He was Governor of Whitemoor prison back in 1994 when several prisoners escaped due to his incompetence. Back then we did the only thing we could do and promoted him. Now, as head of the UK Border Force, he decided to stop the agency from doing its work completely because he's an idiot. He's been suspended, pending a whitewash, but I can't see for the life of me how we can promote him to a position where he can't do any harm at all. Its a bit of a problem." We asked Mr.Clarke for a comment but the spokesperson told us; "He can't walk and chew gum at the same time and, right now, he's chewing gum." We asked an insider from the UK Border Agency, who wishes to remain anonymous, for a comment; "That mad old bat Theresa May starved the agency for money and made it impossible for us to do our job. Brodie Clarke, who's as mad as a bag of snakes as well, decided to stop checks to save money. He thought that Theresa might put him up for a CBE or some other gong for being as big a twat as she is."