The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Tuesday, 8 November 2011

Theresa May: "I Don't Know Nuffink."


Theresa May, in characteristic pose above, has told parliament "Haven't seen nuffink. Don't know nuffink." We asked a Tory insider for the view from within the party;"You have to realise that Theresa May is far too grand and important to soil her hands with actual work, so its not surprising that she hasn't got a clue what the Border Agency was doing. In fact, as David Cameron has shown with all his holidays and as the unemployment figures show, we don't believe in work of any sort for anyone. Brodie Clarke is the one to blame. After he sacked most of the staff ssimply because Theresa slashed the budget, he stubbornly refused to make staff work 25 hours per day or introduce an eight day working week. The Prime Minister has expressed complete confidence in the Home Secretary, which is always a bad sign, but we think she can brazen it out by approaching the problem as she always does - with an open mouth."

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