Tories Ask Business To Tell Them What To Do.

David Cameron, eager to remain only a part-time Prime Minister, has invited business leaders to tell the government what to do. "Since we seized power," he told our reporter, "we've discovered that we haven't got a clue as to what we're doing and find we need some guidance. The LibDems suggested that we ask the people but that's completely out of the question as you can imagine. We don't mind democracy when people do as they're told, but we can hardly expect the hoipolei to have any more idea than us. So we've decided to ask business leaders. They immediately came back with a series of suggestions - reducing wages, getting rid of contracts of employment, taxing them less and so on. We were impressed by their efficiency I can tell you - it was almost as if they already had a shopping list. The banks were especially eager to help and have suggested we replace some ministers with the top notch executives they employ. We're very excited by all this."