Michael Gove, pictured above, appears to be in the midst of a time warp today as he described the unions representing respectable middle-class people as "militants." We asked the crazed minister what the hell he was talking about; "It is the 1980's all over again with militant unions determined to usher in a socialist revolution on behalf of a lumpen proleteriat and to launch a bid by the Reds to take over the world. A careful reading of Marx and Engels reveals that their plan always was to start a revolution amongst teachers and doctors to bring down the capitalist system. Only those, like me, with a special knowledge of such conspiracies can act as a mighty bulwark against this international revolution. Only yesterday I spoke to the spirit of Otto von Bismarck and he told me that I was right - God later confirmed it during an intimate conversation witnessed by Napoleon Bonaparte. Some people think I'm an insane reactionary but I will crush these naysayers even if that means bringing in the army to shoot them." We asked a psychiatrist for his analysis of Gove's comments; "He's a bloody nutcase and, as such, fits in well with his other cabinet colleagues. Someone should tell them that the glory days of the 1980's are over for the Tories and that aping a swivel-eyed Margaret Thatcher will only lead them to where they belong - the dustbin of history."
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