New research has revealed that David Cameron and Andrew Lansley have been lying over cancer statistics in Britain. Far from having one of the worst records in Europe it turns out the NHS has one of the best records in the world. We asked David Cameron for his comments; "Why do you people keep coming to me with inconvenient facts? If I say the NHS is rubbish then its rubbish. Andrew and I have spent a great deal of time concocting a series of lies about the NHS and I don't appreciate you people coming along and showing us up for the money-grubbing conmen we are. What you fail to understand is that the NHS is worth a fortune on the open market and we're not about to let a little thing like our manifesto pledges get in the way of getting our hands on it. Anyway, once we entered into a coalition our manifestos were null and void and we can now do anything we want. Ask any lawyer and he'll tell you I'm right." Andrew Lansley was even more forthcoming; "This is the opportunity of a lifetime - flogging off a valuable asset owned by the entire country for the benefit of our mates? Its a no-brainer as far as I'm concerned. As for lying about it - what do you expect? I'm a Tory - its what I do for a living."
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