Ronald McDonald has announced that he is moving out of Rochdale for an undisclosed new address. "I've had enough," he told our reporter. "The place has gone to the dogs. Since the local drug dealers stopped usuing the restaurant I haven't been able to give my burgers away. Even the tramps have stopped using the toilets as a place to nap for half an hour. I blame Jamie Oliver with his "good food" campaign and the government who have made fine dining for the masses as a thing of the past." We asked a local resident for his reaction; "Good riddance to be honest. But it does go to show what this bloody government is doing to the economy if you can't even sell burgers to a bunch of teenagers - even if they do come from Yorkshire. I was thinking about emmigrating to Lancashire but I don't like foreign food and you can't get a decent cup of tea there."
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