Backbench Tories Think About Themselves As Usual.

Ian Duncan Smith, know to his closest friends as "a sniveling git," has led the attack by Tory backbenchers against David Cameron's proposed boundary changes. "We've looked at this and decided that, against a background of economic disaster and rising unemployment, our first duty is to ourselves," IDS told our reporter. "If these boundary changes go ahead some of us might find ourselves out of work and, since we're far more important than your average British peasant, we've decided to rebel. Essentially we've are out to prove, once and for all, that the best people, like ourselves, deserve eveything we can get our dishonest sticky fingers on while the rest of you can go to hell. We've found that this strategy has always worked for us in the past because your average voter is woefully thick. Bugger the NHS, bugger the economy and bugger the unemployed, what's really important is me and my mates on the Tory back benches."