Economy Still 4% Lower Than 2008.

The Office For National Statistics has announced that GDP grew in Britain during the third quarter by 0.5%, putting the overall economy at a level 4% lower than it was in 2008. Tory central office immediately exploded with joy with much popping of champagne corks and back slapping; "We are overjoyed at the news," George Osborne told our reporter. "It's not easy to turn the economy around and take it back three years without riots in the streets. OK, so we did have the riots but, generally, the population have done what they usually do when we screw them - nothing. These growth figures are on a par with the United States where our best mates, the Tea Party, have virtually destroyed the recovery. We're luckier in that we're actually in government and so can destroy the recovery with much greater efficiency. Now if we can only get the unemployment figures above 3 million our work will be done."