Having been deprived of the untrammeled joy of murdering foxes in cold blood the Tories have turned to that other favourite of the British - the badger. "We got the idea while watching an episode of "Badger Watch," a Tory told us in confidence. "Having had to watch impotently as the Labour party banned us from tearing foxes limb from limb, we realised that the badger presented us with the perfect revenge - killing an animal even less offensive than the fox and even more loved by the peasants. We had toyed with the idea of slaughtering deer but David Cameron's kids love the film "Bambi" so we had to drop it. It was the TB argument that finally won the day. One of the cabinet suggested hunting Asian immigrants on the same basis, but we had to reluctantly drop the idea when some busybody pointed out that killing humans annoys the United Nations - unless there's oil involved. Still, as Nick Clegg is finding out, you can't have everything."
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