In the wake of Ian Duncan Smith's discovery that all people on beneftis are gamblers and drug addicts, he has now discovered that this summer's riots were the result of people watching "X-Factor." We asked a leading psychologist for his comments; "Ian Duncan Smith has truly superhuman abilities. Not only can he see things that are hidden from the rest of us mere mortals, he can arrive at far-reaching conclusions without recourse to any evidence at all. He seems to possess the gift of serendipity - the ability to pluck truth out of thin air through some sort of six sense. Unfortunately this abilty seems to be confined to judgements about the unemployed and did not, for instance, allow him to predict what a bunch of greedy bankers could do to the world's economy. All Tories seem to possess this ability to a certain extent, but IDS has developed it to an unprecedented level. The man is a legend in his own lunchtime, world famous in his street and a genius in his own imagination." We asked IDS himself for an explaination of his extraordinary powers; "I talk to dead people."
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