Realising the damage they may have done to one of their more lucrative scams, the Tories have today reversed course and admitted that lobbyists do, after all, influence government policy. We asked David Cameron, Il Capo Di Tutti Capi of the Tory party, to explain this u-turn; "Lobbyists do influence policy to a tiny, tiny amount. Not enough to make much difference as far as the public is concerned, but just enough to make it worth the millions that lobbyists slip into our back pocket. Voters can rest assured that there is no scandal here - honest. It is quite normal for various business interests to give a government minister money to oil the wheels of democracy and make our great nation a more efficient criminal enterprise - sorry I meant business enterprise. The real scandal in Britain is how the unions give the Labour party money for such evil undertakings as social equality and workers rights. People should not regard loobyists money as bribery - it is but they shouldn't regard it that way."
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