Serious questions have been asked in the House of Commons today as doubts are raised about the real whereabouts of the Prime Minister and suggestions are made that he has been replaced by the American actor Keanu Reeves. In a dramatic development the new government of Italy has issued a denial that he is Tuscany recuperating from a sudden attack of conscience. Boris Putin likewise has robustly denied that Russia has replaced our Prime Minister with a ringer. "Who the fuck is Keanu Reeves?" Boris replied when questioned by our reporter. Meanwhile that other Boris, Johnson not Putin, has been strangely quiet, choosing to smile enigmatically when questioned. We asked Nick Clegg, Deputy Tea Boy, for his comments; "Has David Cameron been replaced by Keanu Reeves? Don't be ridiculous - I'd be the first to know, wouldn't I? My Tory partners always tell me what they're going to do after they do it and always consult with me whenever they want me to know something. If they'd replaced the PM with some American actor I'd know. Only last week I spoke to the Minister for Defence, now played by Bruce Willis, and he assured me that Keanu Reeves is not a good enough actor to keep up such a charade. Personally I am now being played by Harpo Marx."
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