American scientists have discovered that ferrets pose a significant danger to mankind in findings that suggest the mammals are suscepitable to a new mutant form of bird flu. The US government has been so concerned about the findings and the possibility of inter-species contagion that they have asked the scientists involved to keep some of their research secret because of the threat from terrorists. A top CIA spoekesman told us that; "Various terrorist cells across the world have been reported to be acquiring ferrets at an alarming rate." We asked a representative from Britain's own security services for their view; "We would advise that people should only travel to Lancashire and Yorkshire, or t'North as its known, if their journey is absolutely necessary. Avoid anyone wearing a flat cap. We have reports of Muslim terrorits disguising themselves as northerners and infliltrating ferreting societies north of Watford Gap." A Tory party spokesman was even more alarmist; "As we in the Tory party have always suspected, the north of Britain is a dangerous place and should be quaranteed immediately. Although we've already made a start by moving its valuable industries abroad, we must warn that no one who votes Tory or is associated with the Tory party in any way should visit the north. By the same token people living south of a line between Bristol and Ipswich should be on the look out for any suspicious characters wearing flat caps and who are incapable of uttering the word "the" or voting Tory."
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