Tories Order Up Another Gravy Train For Their Corporate Chums.

The Tories, uanable for ideological reasons to spend money on real job creation, have instead decided to give their corporate mates hundreds of millions in taxpayers money to "help" the long-term unemployed. We asked one such company what they could do; "We will be able to give these people useful skills such as telling the time so they don't miss appointments, writing CV's in fiendishly clever ways that prospective employers won't be able to resist and interview techniques guaranteed to land these people jobs as astronauts and brain surgeons. Most important of all, however, we will give them supernatural powers to find jobs where none actually exist. Such things are, of course, very difficult to achieve and that accounts for the millions that our executives will be able to glum out of this particular gravy train." We asked a Tory spokesman for their view; "This is part of a coherent policy change in the way we regard those we've thrown out of work. It's moved on from meaningless slogans such as "Big Society" and "We're all in this together" to "Arbeit mach Frei."