David Cameron had an upbeat message for Britain today as he told the country that the manufacturing sector of the economy was making a comeback. Unfortunately the Office for National Statistics begged to differ as it revealed figures that show manufacturing has continued to shrink while service industries have actually grown. We asked a Tory spokesperson for an explaination; "Its all dependent on what you mean by manufacturing. The government's ability to manufacture lies, for instance, has never been more successful. Admitedly its rather difficult to sell them to China, but the voters seem to be swallowing it and that's a real profit - for us at any rate. We have to look on the bright side. Utility companies are posting record profits as they continue to rip off customers and the railways are still managing to risk people's lives while they pocket more and more money. The banks are still manufacturing excuses for paying themselves outrageous unearned bonuses. Imports have also fallen as most of the population slides into poverty. All in all I'd say that our economic policies are working pretty well and will get better as soon as we flog off the NHS. To be honest I've never had it so good. As for everyone else in the country why would I care? Its their own fault for not doing something useful with their lives, like being born rich or becoming an MP."
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