Tories Finally Steer Britain Into Double-Dip Recession.

Britain has finally sunk back into recession the economic forcasting organization Item Club has warned today. The British economy shrank in the final quarter of 2011 and is expected to contract further in the first quarter of 2012 it said, while unemployment is expected to reach 3 million in the coming months. We asked David Cameron for the government reaction; "After all our hard work to turn the clock back to 1840 we welcome the news that we've finally reached the sunlit highlands of recession. With economic disaster looming we can now really get down to the business of destroying utterly all the gains that working people have made over the last 150 years. Our strategy of blaming the poor for the economic disaster caused by the banks has finally begun to bear fruit as the British electorate, with their 30-second memory, have begun to swing behind our plans to pauperise them for the good of the country - or, as we like to call it, "us." Our campaign to asset strip the country in order to shovel yet more money from the public sector into our pockets is well advanced and we fully expect to have the NHS in our clutches any day now. Meanwhile, we have Nick Clegg acting as lookout while we steal everything of value and the BBC busy defending the indefensible for us. At last its back to busines as usual."