Tories Send 1,000 Dying People Advice On How To Get Work.

In an attempt to emulate Ian Duncan Smith's favourite pin up, Jeusus Christ, the Tories believe they have found a way to raise the dead - or at least make themselves useful while they are dying. Over 1,000 people in the final stages of terminal illness have been sent letters outlining how they might get work and get themselves off benefits before they expire. We asked a Tory party spokesperson for their view; "We don't see dying as an excuse for not contributing to society or at least to the Treasury through the payment of taxes and national insurance. There are far too many selfish people in this country who seem to think that having a terminal illness means they can become benefit scroungers. It has been suggested that these letters are somewhat insensitive but we refute that. As Anne Milton has rightly pointed out many of those with terminal illnesses are northerners and, therefore, don't qualify as being human. Worse yet many have these people are suffering from self-inflicted illnesses because they've tried to enjoy their lives instead of dedicating it to making rich people even richer. Poor people are born to work until they drop and provide the money that bankers, politicians and the landed gentry need for their vast pension pots. And they needn't think that dying will get them off the hook - dead people can still make a contribution. They also serve who only lie and rot."