In a shock development it was revealed today that the British government has failed to successfully bribe the Indian government to buy the Typhoon fighter pictured above. "I don't understand it," William Hague told us. "We've spent millions of tax payers money on aid so the Indian government would feel obligated to buy this very expensive piece of kit and they bought the French Rafale instead! We even gave our fighter an exciting World War II name and they still didn't buy it! What does Rafale mean anyway?" We asked our French correspondent for a translation; "It means a gust of wind, a flurry of snow or a burst of gunfire. Mind you, in the some rural areas it also means fart. Actually the Rafale is exactly the same aeroplane as the Typhoon except it's built in France and is 25% cheaper than the British version." Meanwhile David Cameron, who promised he would "move heaven and earth" to get the Indians to buy the Typhoon, sprang into action and ignored the problem completely. "I meant to call them," he explained, "but I called once and the number was engaged. Then I was told they were out and wouldn't be back until after the weekend and, with one thing and another, I forgot."
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