Plot To Replace Cameron Uncovered.

David Cameron was left reeling tonight after it was revealed that a plot is afoot to oust him from power. Colonel Bob Stewart, the Tory MP for Beckenham, has been approached by an unnamed backbencher to act as a "stalking horse" candidate for the leadership of the party in order to clear the way for Boris Johnson. Unfortunately for the would-be Cassius, Colonel Bob was in no mood to play the part of Brutus and he refused. Boris Johnson has distanced himself from the plot and declared he has no intention of cutting short his stint as Mayor of London in order to launch a bid for the leadership. The "News In Shorts" has managed to track down the leaders of the plot and asked them why they are seeking to ditch their leader; "Cameron has proved to be a great disappointment to the rank and file in the party. He promised to modernise the party by taking the entire country back to the 18th century but all he's managed so far is the mid-19th century and that's simply not good enough. Having assured us that behind his affable facade he's actually a real died-in-the wool Tory git he's proven to be not gittish enough. There are still ordinary people in this country with homes, jobs and money and we feel this is a complete disgrace - they should be utterly destitute by now. Rich people like us are still having to pay some taxes and we are still not allowed to do absolutely anything we like. We have come dangerously close at times to ending the recession, unemployment is still far too low, peasant wages are still too high and the NHS has still not been turned into the profit opportunity we were promised." Meanwhile David Cameron was heard to declare that "The Ides of March have come" and yet he's still not politically dead. Aye, Cameron, but not yet gone.