Tories Reveal Plans To Kill More People This Winter.

In order to hide the consequencies of their vicious attack on the vulnerable in Britain and of allowing utility companies to steal as much money as they can before voters realise what is going on a renationalise them, the Tories have done their favourite trick of moving the goalposts. From now on fuel poverty will not be measured by what percentage of income is spent on heating and lighting and, instead, they will adopt a new complicated formula that allows then to define fuel poverty in any way they like. "At the moment the Queen can actually claim to be in fuel poverty," a government spokesman told our reporter, "and that provides us with the perfect excuse to freeze pensioners to death this winter. We think it would be far fairer if we pretend that all pensioners actually live in Spain, while the unemployed are too busy swilling premium strength lagers to even notice the weather. We see the new system we intend to adopt as being fairer because rich people like me won't have to pay so much in tax. I think its quite resonable that a few useless people should freeze to death this winter so I can refurbish my yacht." Speaking for the organisation representing utility companies, PICKPOKET, their spokesman told us; "This is a much more sensible approach since it allows us to shovel money from poor people to rich shareholders who really do live in Spain during the winter. Rising costs reflect world conditions where the price of gas and electricity is rising steadily because we want to make more profit."