Tory Plans Begin To Bear Fruit As NHS Sinks.

There is growing excitement in the Tory party today as their plan to destroy the NHS finally begins to bear fruit. Hospitals up and down the country are close to collapse as they are starved of funds and money is diverted into Andrew Lansley's privatisation fund. To celebrate Liam Fox, the Tories best-known crook, has called for yet more tax cuts for the rich as he and the rest of the Tory party congratulate themselves for literally getting away with murder. "This recession was a Godsend," a leading Tory told our reporter. "How else could a government plan and execute a theft on such a massive scale or get away with what amounts to the mass murder of its own citizens. Assad, pah! The man's a bloody amateur!" Meanwhile George Osborne has signalled his determination to stick with his planned recession. "We Tories were very worried when Labour seemed to be getting Britain out of recession and was about to close the door on the opportunity of a lifetime. Fortunately the British electorate remained stupid enough to give us just enough votes to take a wrecking ball to all of that. Now they can't do anything to stop us until 2015. By then we'll have taken the economy back to where it belongs - the 1840's - day labouring will be the norm, the NHS will have been sold off to the Yanks and the whole of the north will be combined into a single constituency. I love the smell of Tory bullshit in the morning."