British Courts Support Slavery.

In a landmark decision a bunch of over-paid toffs dressed in 18th century powdered wigs and frocks have decided that forcing the unemployed into unpaid work is entirely justified. Despite the inconvenient fact that forcing people to do unpaid labour is illegal under article four of the European Convention on Human Rights, the presiding judge, Mr Justice Foskett, said this was "a long way from contemporary thinking". Over brandy and cigars the judiciary, drawn almost exclusively from the privileged classes, have reached the bizarre conclusion that working for nothing does not constitute slavery. "Contemporary thinking sees slavery as a viable alternative and now sees the prohibition against it in Britain during the 18th century as a grave mistake," one judge told our reporter at his London club. "We have to work for next to nothing and are often forced to work for three or four hours at a time with only two or three naps to alleviate the boredom. The lower classes in this country were born to serve the interests of their superiors and betters and modern capitalism has merely returned to the point where it began. I for one am looking forward to cheaper cigars as the tobacco plantations are re-established in the West Indies and have already invested my money in a Chinese factory that manufactures shackles and whips. What we really need, of course, are slave auctions which will really get the system working again."