The News In Shorts

How the news would look if everyone stopped waffling and told the truth.

Tuesday, 21 August 2012

Inconvenient Facts Annoy The Tories.

The Tory party is reeling tonight after a series of very inconvenient facts threatened to reveal the essential idiocy of their insane ideology. With the deficit continuing to grow and having battered the British economy virtually to death George Osborne seems to be completely bemused by its stubborn refusal to make a spontaneous recovery for no apparent reason. Reducing taxes for his rich pals has mysteriously led to a fall in tax revenues while throwing hundreds of thousands of people out of work has led to an even more mysterious fall in final demand. Rumours now abound that the Tories are about to launch a Keynsian-style stimulus to the economy, though it will necessarily be limited because they've thrown all the money away. This has angered right-wingers such as John Redwood who remains convinced that the only way to increase tax revenues is yet more tax cuts for the rich and the only way to save the economy is to choke it to death. Meanwhile Ian Duncan Smith has continued to stamp his feet because the BBC timidly ventured to suggest that cuts in benefits to the disabled and sick might not be such a good idea after all. Claiming that deprevation in Britain is a very complex question and is thus not easy to explain, IDS has accused the BBC of making a "simplistic" connection between denying people the means to survive and their inability to do so. The weird looking-glass world of the Tories is now falling apart as it inevitably must - how long will it be before their vicious regime follows suit?

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