Iain Duncan Smith: "Work Is As Good As Health Treatment."

Iain Duncan Smith, Britain's nastiest politician, has defended his vicious attack on the sick and disabled by explaining that working is as effective as health treatment. "Look at me." he told our reporter, "I'm as mad as a bag of snakes, suffer from delusions of grandeur and am a well-known sociopath, but work has been marvelous for me. Without my job at the DWP I would never have been able to do all the nasty vicious things to the poor and vulnerable that I've always wanted to do. Before I was given the position of Fuhrer at the DWP I was deeply depressed by my total incompetence as a politician and by my total failure as a human being. Now I'm full of beans because my psychopathic tendencies have been given free rein. I'm a new man, worse and more sadistic than ever before it's true, but a new man nonetheless." We asked IDS's former psychoanalyst for his reaction; "Iain is quite right - he is as mad as a bag of snakes. To be honest he's completely beyond help and should be locked up as soon as possible before he destroys the lives of many more people. What really bothers me, to be honest, is what kind of an electorate would give any political party with this nutter in its ranks a majority. At least 37% of the electorate in this country are in urgent need of psycho-analysis."

Iain Duncan Smith Outlines Scheme To Steal State Pensions.

As much of the country lies below sea level as a direct result of the Tory's "we don't want to pay any tax" policy, Iain Duncan Smith has been outlining his next criminal enterprise. Celebrating his success in persecuting the unemployed, the sick and disabled, IDS is now turning his attention towards to that other hated section of society - the old. The DWP Efficiency Review is "restricted" at the moment because IDS doesn't want the taxpayers to know what he's up to, but his aim is quite clear. Using the same old alibi of "saving" money, he wants to hand over the running of the pension service to his rich mates, confident that they will steal as much taxpayers money as possible, refuse to pay any tax on their gains and then return a nice big chunk of it to the Tory party in the form of "donations". Essentially then IDS's idea of "efficiency" is to efficiently transfer taxpayers money into the pockets of his wealthy pals and, ultimately, into Tory party coffers. Better yet the front-runners for taking on the juicy multi-million pound contracts are Capita, Serco or G4S, all of which are under investigation for defrauding the public. Meanwhile the right-wing Institute of Economic Affairs has come out in support of IDS's latest money-laundering scheme, telling us; "As life expectancy increases, the current system is unsustainable for both our children and grandchildren." Which, of course, is newspeak for "The current system is unsustainable if we are to give ourselves and our rich mates more tax cuts." Be warned, the Tories have your state pension in their sights and they will do anything to get their thieving hands on it.

DWP Resorts To Magic.

In keeping with the Tory party's belief in "voodoo economics" the DWP has resorted to magic in order to stop the unemployed from claiming benefits. Bewildered claimants have been told to complete a 48-question "psychoemtric" test introduced by the DWP "Nudge Unit" and, if they fail to do so, they are told that they will have their benefits witheld. The test, which has been rejected in the United States for being unvalidated mumbo-jumbo, contains such statements as "I never go out of my way to visit museums," and "I have not created anything of beauty in the last year". These, the DWP claim, have been "scientifically shown to find people's strengths" and to "help rebuild self-confidence and identify character strength". The Division of Occupational Psychologists, however, said it was unable to find "any concrete evidence relating to proper development and psychometric qualities of the tool" and described the tests as "a sham." This is hardly surprising since this government's entire approach to welfare can best be described in similar terms. In fact such tests have long been considered to be rather dubious and their use by the DWP demonstrates quite clearly that their only goal is to cheat as many genuine claiments out of benefit payments as is humanly possible. Essentially the government is ambushing claiments with irrelevent nonsense, forcing them to jump through humiliating hoops and then threatening them if they protest. In that regard this particular piece of utter rubbish is on a par with all their other policies.

Ian Duncan Smith Wastes Even More Money.

Ian Duncan Smith, more evil, arrogant and stupid than ten average Tories, has been kept busy for two years now hiding from parliament and the public the full cost of his "one benefit fits all" policy. However, despite all his efforts to hide his total incompetence, the figures are beginning to leak out. He began with a modest budget - a mere bagatel of £2 billion - but immediately inflated that by £100 million and managed to hide from view another £300 million by clever accountancy tricks only available to theieving utility executives and guilty politicians. Now, it turns out, the much-vaunted and fabulously expensive scheme will not be rolled out in one triumphant go next October as IDS would have liked because of "technical issues over computer issues." IDS it would seem, like many ministers before him with no real experience of real work, has, as one government spokesman put it, "been hypnotised by promises of what an online system can deliver. Warnings were given to him more than a year ago. They were ignored." The reason for IDS's mistake is two-fold. He's a moron and he's so unspeakably evil that nothing, not money or technology that cannot deliver, will divert him from his course of punishing the poor, the unemployed and the disabled so that he and his rich mates can have yet another tax cut. As Labour's Liam Byrne, said yesterday: "Universal credit is in danger of descending into total chaos. Iain Duncan Smith's flagship scheme is late and over budget, top officials are heading for the hills and no one seems to believe the massive IT system is on track. Ministers must take urgent action before it becomes a multibillion-pound disaster." A spell for IDS in the Tower of London might be a good place to start.

Tories Celebrate Return Of The Blind Beggar.

David Cameron, pictured above as many would like to see him with his head on a spike, is celebrating the return of blind beggars to the streets of Britain tonight with his fellow cabinet gang members. Giving evidence to MP's as to the impact of the Tory "reforms" on the benefit system, Henry Sherlock, a blind former health worker, told how he has been reduced to begging. Mr Sherlock, who also suffers from chronic heart disease and diabetes, related how he had to "rely on family handouts and additional begged support in order to live." In typical mealy-mouthed fashion the DWP reacted to this evidence by maintaining that "If someone disagrees with the outcome of their Work Capability Assessment, they have the right to appeal." Meanwhile the government has further announced that the link between benefits and living standards is to be broken and that benefit payment will be frozen for two years, pushing the most needy and vulnerable in our society further into poverty and widening the gap between rich and poor. Having sold this vicious policy to the British people by citing the need for austerity to pay for a recession largely created by George Osborne and peddling the myth that benefits are "too generous", the Tories now feel they can move away from their ludicrous claim that "We are all in this together." To underline this they have made another announcement - that the Border Agency will fast-track wealthy, "high value" travellers flying in and out of Heathrow Airport. This, the Tory junta assures us, will show that "Britain is open for business", or, as it used to be known, exploitation.

Tory Delusions Meet Reality.

Ian Duncan Smith and Chris Grayling have discovered the basic flaw in Tory ideology - it is based on sheer fantasy. In this particular case the fantasy is that private sector companies can find jobs for the unemployed when no jobs actually exist. They have found out what all of us already knew - you can't pour two pounds of sugar into a one pound bag. Ingeus UK, one of the biggest so-called "welfare providers" who had hoped to get their hands on taxpayer's money for not doing very much, have now discovered that the government actually expects them to do something for their money and they are panic striken. One of their directors, Jack Sawyer, who doesn't seem to understand that you can't get jobs for people when there aren't any, has sent stern warnings to his staff that their performance is "not good enough." However the company has also been at great pains to demonstrate that they are not fiddling the figures. The DWP too was quick to state that “robust control and assurance arrangements in place to guard against fraudulent claims being made by providers". Now why, I wonder, would they be so worried about being accused of fraud? Ian Duncan Smith and his sidekick, Chris Grayling, are rapidly being shown up for what they are - brain dead ideologues with absolutely no idea about what is real and what is delusion.

British Courts Support Slavery.

In a landmark decision a bunch of over-paid toffs dressed in 18th century powdered wigs and frocks have decided that forcing the unemployed into unpaid work is entirely justified. Despite the inconvenient fact that forcing people to do unpaid labour is illegal under article four of the European Convention on Human Rights, the presiding judge, Mr Justice Foskett, said this was "a long way from contemporary thinking". Over brandy and cigars the judiciary, drawn almost exclusively from the privileged classes, have reached the bizarre conclusion that working for nothing does not constitute slavery. "Contemporary thinking sees slavery as a viable alternative and now sees the prohibition against it in Britain during the 18th century as a grave mistake," one judge told our reporter at his London club. "We have to work for next to nothing and are often forced to work for three or four hours at a time with only two or three naps to alleviate the boredom. The lower classes in this country were born to serve the interests of their superiors and betters and modern capitalism has merely returned to the point where it began. I for one am looking forward to cheaper cigars as the tobacco plantations are re-established in the West Indies and have already invested my money in a Chinese factory that manufactures shackles and whips. What we really need, of course, are slave auctions which will really get the system working again."

Tory Scroungers Desperately Point The Finger.

Ian Duncan Smith and Chris Grayling, looking like two evil hard-bolied eggs in a double egg cup, have renewed their attack on the disabled with even greater vigour. In the "Guardian" Grayling has written a piece that attempts to make his personal crusade against lazy and feckless people without legs look reasonable. Taking a woman with depression he claims to have met, he poses the question "Wouldn't she be better off working?" The answer is, of course, that I and the vast majority of "Guardian" readers would not have the slightest idea. Perhaps Grayling should ask her doctor. One thing is for certain and that is that IDS and Grayling have made sure that ATOS is a doctor-free zone and that their "tick-box" approach to assessment is as unfair as it can conceivably be. Meanwhile the parents of disabled children have been receiving letters from the DWP warning them that if they spend their children's allowances on themselves then the children may be taken off them. The assumption is clear - the DWP believe that all parents of disabled children are lazy feckless scroungers taking advantage of their children's disabilities to buy cigarettes, alcohol, and satellite TV for themselves. All of this is bad enough but is made even worse by the behaviour of Chris Grayling who has plundered the public purse through his expenses claims to purchase four properties in London. He has even managed to manipulate the expenses system to purchase two different flats in London as his "second home" at the same time. And this despite the fact that his constituency home is less than 17 miles from the House of Commons. When it comes to scrounging Chris Grayling is the master and for him to point the finger at disabled people is hypocrisy of the worst kind. He is the true face of the nasty Tory party that David Cameron has been at such pains to deny.

Benefits Claimant Sets Fire To Himself.

Two people were left fuming outside of government buildings yesterday, both desperate for someone to notice them. The first was Hugh Robertson, the government Olympics Minister, who had forgotten his security pass. The second was an unnamed benefits claimant outside the Jobcentre in Selly Oak Birmingham who had been left without money after being declared fit for work and his dasablement entitlement was withdrawn. Hugh Robertson reacted by throwing a tantrum and telling the security guards, “I’m the Olympics minister. You should damn well know who I am,” and “I’m on the television all the time.” It was a display of typical Tory arrogance and simply demonstrated that Mr. Hughs is not as famous or as important as he likes to imagine. The second, unknown, man was a little more dramatic in his reaction and far more desperate - he set fire to himself. The first was miffed because his dignity had been pricked, for the second it was literally a matter of life and death. While the rest of the country is preparing to watch the Olympics on their goggle-boxes, and various rich and over-privileged nonentities show off by actually going to the games, many people in this country are looking forward to destitution and a life sleeping rough on the streets. While bankers lie, cheat, steal and quaff their champagne and politicians lie, cheat, steal and quaff their champagne, ordinary people are being driven to suicide. Is this the price that Cameron tells us is worth paying to save the banks from themselves?

Ian Duncan Smith - J'Accuse.

The woman pictured above was named Karen Sherlock and she was just 44 when she died of a heart attack on June 8th. She was an ordinary woman, just like you or me, who had the misfortune to be desperately ill at a time when the Tories seized power and decided that she and millions like her were "scroungers." She was a diabetic, suffered from chronic kidney disease, anaemia, high blood pressure, asthma and was partially sighted. Yet, despite conditions any one of which would have seen a Tory MP taking to his or her hospital bed, ATOS declared her fit for work and her £96 per work ESA benefit was withdrawn. She was, in effect, left destitute by the DWP which has quickly become little better than a secret police force working for Ian Duncan Smith. With little choice she mounted a campaign to have her benefits restored and, as one of her friends described her, she "lived her last months desperately scared that her family would not survive the onslaught it faced." After two years, in which the justice of her case could not be denied even by the likes of the DWP and Ian Duncan Smith, her benefits were restored and the findings of ATOS were overturned. But the fact remains, a sick woman was literally hounded to her death by a Minister of the Crown for no better reason than to demonstrate his own warped ideological beliefs. In its defence the DWP issued this statement; "We cannot comment on the individual case." Perhaps not but, when this disgusting excuse for a government is finally turfed out of office, we can only hope that IDS is dragged in front of a court and forced to do so.