Farage is Back!

Nigel Farage has made a comeback with his new Brexit party having decided that UKIP is too right-wing. Britain's very own Judas Goat is up in arms (and in the money once again) because he feels the need to "change politics" and save us all from those who would stop Brexit. "I said that if I did come back into the political fray it would be no more Mr Nice Guy and I mean it," he told us, though his definition of what makes for a "Nice Guy" seems somewhat problematic. He then trundled out his latest acolyte, Annunziata Rees-Mogg, sister to Jacob Rees-Mogg Member of Parliament for the 18th century. ""We've got to rescue our democracy from those who want a second referendum" she told her audience. "We have got to show that the people of this country have a say in how we are run without actually asking them." Earlier in the day Farage said on the BBC Radio 4's Today programme that ""In terms of policy, there's no difference to UKIP except for the obvious racism which we in the Brexit party are determined to keep under wraps". He then promised that the new Brexit party would be "deeply intolerant of all intolerance" except for that directed at foreigners, those who disagree with them and anyone trying to close down the offshore banking scam. "The Brexit party will represent a cross section of society", he added, "especially Daily Mail readers, moronic bigots and my American mates who want to asset strip the NHS" After the conference, as the delegates tucked into their chlorinated chicken lunch, Farage granted "The News In Shorts" an exclusive interview. "You just can't trust established right-wing politicians", he sighed. "They will insist on letting the cat out of the bag. Some things have to be kept from the British public for their own good." "Such as?," our reporter asked. "Well you know, things like protecting offshore banking from the nasty evil people who want rich people like me to pay their fair share of taxes, those who want health care free at the point of need and the truth about our abject efforts to get trade deals from foreigners who know we're desperate. That sort of thing". "But surely you want to represent a cross section of society and I thought you didn't like foreigners," our reporter suggested. "When I say a cross section of our society I mean, of course, those better sort of people who don't want to pay tax. And, of course, there's foreigners and then there's foreigners. I like those wiling to grease my palm. It's the other sort I don't approve of - those who want to protect employment rights and the like. Basically the EU. Would you like some of this lovely chlorinated chicken?".

Disappointed Brexit Voters.

Nearly a week after the triumphant Brexit campaign many Leave voters have been voicing their disappointment. "I just understand why it's not 1959 again," one voter told our reporter. "Why have all these black, brown and eastern European people not left already?" Another asked, "Where is Margaret Thatcher or, better still, Winston Churchill? Once they return from the grave we'll show these Johnny Foreigners what's for. Have they been deliberately hidden away from us by Parliamentary Remain campaigners? Without them how will we ever mount another D-Day invasion of the Continent to save the miserable people of Europe from themselves?" Meanwhile desperate Remain voters have been tossing bottles into the Channel (now definitely the English Channel once more) begging for help. The messages seem to be more or less the same; "Help! I am trapped on a cold rainy and windswept island in the North Atlantic where 52% of the population are clinically insane and government is non-existent." Still, the latest round of news should cheer them up as George Osborne, the only Tory politician still working it seems, plans to raise taxes (for working people, not the hard-pressed rich) and announces that the NHS is no longer affordable and spending on it must be cut as soon as possible. In further good news for Leave voters the EU has just announced that British banks will no longer be able to trade in Europe along with all other service industries in what was once the UK. As Nigel Farage said only a couple of days ago, "You're not laughing now are you?"

The Political Vacuum.

So where is everyone? Since the EU referendum the Tory party, both leavers and remainers, have literally gone to earth and cannot be found with radar. Where is the leadership? Where are David Cameron and George Osborne? Where are Boris Johnson and Michael Gove? Nigel Farage is still in evidence trying to hide the fact that two years ago he was demanding that if the referendum was too close, 52% to 48% say, and he was on the losing side then another referendum should be held. Perhaps they hope that the so-called coup against Jeremy Corbyn, a story that the right-wing press is clinging to with desperation, might deflect attention from the utter mess the Tory party has left the country in. Then there is the elephant in the room. The UK is a representative democracy and not a direct democracy. Referendums are advisory only and have no binding legal force. Parliament is sovereign and it can overturn the utter folly of the UK leaving the EU. But for that we need leadership and a Parliament with a spine instead of a Parliament with nothing more than MP's addicted to filling their pockets with expenses and hiding their money in offshore accounts. The Leave campaign has now been exposed as a catalogue of lies, evasions and deceptions. There will be no extra money for the NHS, immigration will not be curbed and the free movement of people across Europe is to be retained. Nothing they promised will come about, so why should these snakeoil salesmen we allowed to reap the benefits of their confidence trick?

A Coalition Of Tories And Even More Tories?

Following UKIP's landslide victory in Clacton over the Tories Nigel Farage is suggesting that his party will hold the balance of power after the next general election and may enter into coalition with another party to form a government. It seems unlikely that UKIP, nothing more than the Tory party with even less common sense, would enter a coalition with Labour while the Lib Dems will have completely disappeared so we must assume that Nigel is hinting at a Tory-UKIP partnership. So what would such a government look like? We asked a leading Tory spokesman for the party's view; "Bloody marvelous. Not only could we do all the nasty things we've been dying to do for the last four years, we could blame UKIP for them! We could flog off the NHS, tell Johnnie Foreigner where to get off, give the sick, disabled and unemployed an even bigger kicking, reward all our rich mates for being rich already and make fox hunting legal again. After using that bloody weak-kneed Nick Clegg for four years we'd have the opportunity to use a much more substantial political figure as a human shield. I know we've been wittering on about going to bed with Nigel Farage and waking up with Ed Milliband to frighten Tory voters into still voting for us but, in reality, the entire country could go to bed with Nigel and wake up with David Cameron and Nigel. Instead of Nick Clegg for ever wringing his hands and claiming "Its wasn't me" David Cameron could be the one wringing his hands and pointing the finger at Nigel. It's enough to make one drool with anticipation! All we have to do is to investigate the mystery of what other policies UKIP has, apart from leaving the EU, and its a done deal. I can't believe that UKIP could have any more insane or nasty policies than we dream about so, as far as I'm concerned, its a match made in heaven - though the rest of you plebs might see it as a match made in hell. Kerching! I can hear the money pouring into my offshore bank account already!

Ebola And UKIP Break Out.

It seems increasingly likely that, for the first time, Ebola has broken out of Africa and is now threatening a world-wide pandemic that could see the demise of 70% of the world's population. Scary stuff - but not as scary as watching Douglas Carswell's weirdly mobile mouth threatening to break out and roam unfettered across his face. UKIP, like Ebola, has now broken out of its confines and is threatening to infect 70% (or at least 60% if Carswell's winning margin is any guide) of the British electorate with an attack of utter stupidity. Pinning UKIP down on policies seems to be a futile since any announcement they make is almost immediately contradicted by Nigel Farage while Carswell's appeal to "first and second generation Briton's" begs the question as to what they stand for at all. It would seem that their major theme, bashing Johnnie Foreigner, is still OK as long as it doesn't threaten to alienate those whose votes might yet come in useful. Talk about asking turkeys to vote for Christmas! Grant Shapps, terrified that UKIP is out-Torying the Tories, was quick to get into a TV studio to warn us all that a vote for UKIP is "a step closer to seeing Ed Miliband in No.10". Oooooh! What he was actually saying is that a vote for UKIP is a step closer to seeing the complete demise of the Tory party - something that should be welcomed and is long overdue. Though it is true that in the other by-election in Manchester UKIP did make inroads into the Labour majority, it still represents a bigger threat to the Tories who have proven beyond all doubt that they have absolutely nothing to offer ordinary people in Britain. UKIP at least offer a chance for the man in the street to kick some bloody foreigner and pull faces at the EU, though what else they are offering remains a complete mystery.

What Century Are We In Again?

You could be forgiven this week for wondering what century we are actually living in. If Vladimir Putin is to be believed we are somewhere in the mid-20th century. If you listen to the banks then we are somewhere in the last quarter of the 19th century during the Gilded Age. According to David Cameron we will shortly be fetching up somewhere in the 18th century, while Iain Duncan Smith won't be happy until we arrive in the depths of the Dark Ages. The problem seems to be that our politicians are getting somewhat confused as to what their role actually is. They are supposed to govern and, in what we laughingly refer to as democracies, they are supposed to look after the best interests of the people who pay their wages and underwrite their expense accounts. Instead we seem to have been saddled with a bunch of knuckle-dragging throwbacks who see their role as returning us all to some mythical golden age that exists only in their fevered imaginations. In Britain the Tories are very fond of the word "mission" but not so fond of the word "work" which they would like to cut back by shrinking the state so they can turn their attention to their non-jobs as part-time banking executives. Meanwhile Nick Clegg seems to be utterly confused, bemoaning the "ungenerous and backward-looking" politics he has done so much to create, and hoping to best Nigel Farage in the forthcoming European elections thus returning his party to their usual position of utter and thoroughly deserved irrelevance. Are these backward-looking bozos really the best we can do? Ed Miliband has said that we are better than this. All we can do is hope that, if he becomes Prime Minister, he will show us that its true.

UKIP Shouts "Boo!"

UKIP pushed its way onto the national political stage today, relegating the LibDems to third place, threatening to elbow the Tories to one side and leaving the Labour party staring like a rabbit into the headlights. The Coalition immediately went into panic mode with Nick Clegg insisting that his party's disastrous showing was a springboard to future success and David Cameron suddenly discovering phrases such as "respect for the electorate's verdict" and "lessons must be learned." While the LibDems have had time to contemplate their imminent extinction as a political force in Britain for some time now, for the Tories this is a new and frightening experience. Cameron, in particular, seems to have been taken by complete surprise that lying to the electorate and ignoring how they feel may no longer be enough. All three former major parties might even wake up to the fact that manifestos should include some element of truth and that the electorate expects their pledges to mean something. The signs, however, are not encouraging. The LibDems continue to emulate an ostritch, the Tories are still telling us that complete economic policy failure and growing discontent is no reason to change course, while Labour remains confident that saying nothing at all is the best course. UKIP is not much better in reality. Apart from putting a stop to all immigration and withdrawing from the EU they don't have much else to say. The tragedy is that this has proven to be enough. Immigration is not popular in Britain and the electorate are increasingly disenchanted with the EU while ignoring these realities is now becoming politically impossible. Right-wing politics has been in the ascendency over the last 30 years with disastrous consequencies for us all but it looks as if the country is about to lurch even further to the right as the three "main" parties chase after UKIP. Whatever the eventual results of this are one thing is for sure - Britain is no longer a country at ease with itself.